Understanding the Five Stages of Grief After Divorce

Divorce triggers a psychological grieving process similar to that of losing a loved one. Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief, which are widely applied to divorce recovery. Recognizing these stages can provide structure to an otherwise chaotic emotional journey.

1. Denial: Psychological Protection in the Initial Shock

Denial often manifests as disbelief, which is the struggle to accept the reality of the divorce. This is the mind’s defense mechanism, preventing emotional overload. While natural, prolonged denial can hinder emotional processing.

2. Anger: The Emotional Response to Perceived Injustice

Anger serves as an outlet for hurt and disappointment. It also points to where your boundaries have been violated or where you have not respected your boundaries. Research suggests that anger is often directed at an ex-partner, oneself, or even the legal system but without understanding why, it’s harder to move through. Constructive outlets such as our online healing course, coaching, or writing help transform anger into emotional clarity.

3. Bargaining: Attempting to Reverse the Outcome

This stage involves replaying past events and negotiating hypothetical scenarios. It is crucial to recognize that dwelling on “what ifs” prolongs emotional distress. Instead, focus on forward-oriented thinking! Past events only hold power when we continue to replay them mentally or by repeating the pattern.

4. Depression: Emotional Processing of Loss

As reality sets in, depression can emerge. Depressed can also be read as Deep Rest. It is a reevaluation of how we are not being authentic to our true nature and feelings. It is an opportunity to re-enter life on terms that are more aligned with the true self. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between situational sadness and clinical depression. Seeking professional support during this phase is highly recommended.

5. Acceptance: Moving from Grief to Rebuilding

Acceptance does not mean immediate happiness but rather an acknowledgment of reality. It is at this stage that individuals can begin to redefine their identity post-divorce. And once we accept and understand what is, we can create what can be. Understanding the five stages of grief offers a roadmap through emotional recovery. By recognizing these phases, you can better manage the healing process and transition toward personal growth. Where are you in this roadmap?